12 o’clock Nah ingredient
The bottle dropped from my hands, hit the floor rolled three times, and came to a halt. I watched it, eyes wide, hands splayed both sides. I can’t believe I did it again. I swore I’d stop, I’d resist the devil.
It’s 2 am, and I can’t stop thinking of food, so I am lying here tummy swollen with guilt and juice, thinking of sinking my teeth in the huge turkey sitting in the fridge that has been seducing me like Potiphar’s wife.
I used to think I had insomnia, but I think my body deliberately stays up at night just to commit food crimes like steal half of Sese’s watermelon juice, add water to it and shake shake shake it then put it back in the fridge and play deaf when she complains of how weird it tastes the next morning,
Steal my apple and accuse someone else the next morning, eat Jerry’s turkey, and tell him it was the Devil.
This night the plan was to taste the juice, one tiny sip, okay maybe two before I knew it the bottle was empty. Like how and why did it have to look so darn juicy? Yea, I blame the juice.
Since there’s no rehabilitation for food addicts, I’ll start here.
My name is Deborah, and I am addicted to food😁.
Listen, I am not going to lie to you that I wrote this in one night. It is the second night. It’s 12;55am, and I am eating the juiciest, crunchiest apple I have ever eaten in my entire life. Okay, I probably say this every other night about everything I eat. Still, the truth is there’s something about midnight that adds sweetness to food, like just the right amount of salt or sugar…the only thing keeping me from hugging this apple right now is that I am eating it, and it’s an apple.
I refuse to believe that I am the only one who thinks food tastes better at midnight. Don’t be shy, tell me Is the juice juicier, the bread softer, the yam hotter?
I knew you’d agree too! 12’0 clock Nah ingredient and that’s on period. Food is ten times tastier at midnight but also ten times harmful to the body. So drop that meat and pay attention.
Come on! Did you think I was just going to tell you all the good things about eating at midnight and not tell you how bad it is for me and you? Even though I want to, I am not going to allow us to eat our health away; I mean, someone has to say it, and sadly that person is me — the very person who can’t resist food.
Here a few things that could go wrong with you asides from developing a huge ass tummy;
ACID REFLUX: As a die-hard late-night eater, I can tell you that acid reflux is from hell. It is torment. Imagine your entire tummy burning, and then your intestines grapple with putting out the fire. There is so much smoke and gas, so your throat starts to burn, and you choke and struggle to breathe. Yes, and yes, it could get worse, but I think you get the memo.
Indigestion: Hey, besides looking like a 4-month pregnant man or woman, what’re your other favorite looks? Yes, swollen tummy, I am addressing you. No, you can’t leave the group chat now fam you know it’s true. Late-night eating makes your belly swell because after eating big chunks of eba or a huge plate of rice you jump back into bed and expect your intestines to perform magic…You are a cultist, you, and your swollen tummy…Lol, I just roasted myself.
Heartburn: Indigestion makes your chest burn.A painful slow burn that will make you think your village people have finally gotten you and the uncontrollable burping and farting that embarrasses you in meetings and parties…Its the devil
See, I know this is hard, but next time you wake up at night, and you see the fridge twerking at you, do a 360 turn and go back to bed.
Alright, that may be a bit difficult, so here’s my advice instead of eating eba, or a huge slice of pizza or a bowl of honey-laced steaming hot yam. Eat an apple instead.
Comrades let’s not die of food because what will we tell God in heaven?
Stop eating like a thief.
