Favour D Tina

A beautiful tale of sisterhood

In life, two hearts collide to form one; sometimes, these hearts may not be too involved. It may very well just be a brief meeting or constant mingling of genitals so passionate and careless they create little humans, allying forever.

I don’t remember choosing my family; I think they chose me. I didn’t come first; in fact, I chilled in heaven and chose to come when it was convenient. My mom likes to tell tales of her going up to the mountains, calling on God, praying fervently, cajoling, and ordering me to join the clan in Jesus’ name. I could almost brag about God saving the best for last until Favour showed up, like, “bitch, please.”

I have experienced love from strangers who quickly became close friends and reverted to being strangers. I have experienced love that has lingered a little longer than others, fiddling with the promise of forever while holding on to casual as a safe non-committal net; they all have felt good, but none has come close to the love I have found in my sister and, of course, my family.

As a kid, I was taught that family is the basic unit of socialization. I listened with eager eyes and anxious ears, reciting “A FAMILY IS A GROUP OF PEOPLE RELATED BY BLOOD OR MARRIAGE” over till it stuck. I would learn later that this definition needed to be more accurate. Your family shapes how you see the world. They are the first people that show up at your worldly meet and greet as you push through feet first or head first into this world; they welcome you with warm arms, big smiles, and silly coos like “Hanhan fine baby”: your first initiation into the act of living.

Favour’s Arrival

I welcomed Favour into the world on a calm, breezy evening — the type that made toddlers dance around a tree and clamor for tales by moonlight.

The room was dimly lit with yellow bulbs like lemons dangling from a loose branch. I pushed through a small crowd of family members, approaching my mom with the curiosity of a spoiled cat whose owner just brought in a suspicious toy. I wondered what she was hiding in the blanket she held so close to her chest. I saw a pink little face poke out of the blanket. “What is that?” “Who is that, Mommy?” I babbled, running around the circle of people so I could stand beside my mom and take a proper look. ‘Baby!’ I squealed, ‘Mommy, you have a baby!’ With surprise and excitement, everyone burst into hearty laughter and left me to deal with my surprise alone. I can’t lie; I was used to being the star of the show.

I remember thinking about it in my toddler mind, wondering what this meant for me and how to adjust to my new position: Ex-baby of the house. Nobody told me that the real position to worry about is the one I wield now so proudly; big sister. Nobody told me that I would willingly take up the roles of mommy, protector, friend, foe (sometimes), role model, cook, house girl, and ally while trying to be cool and stay up to date with Gen Z trends.

Naming Favour

“Precious, Blessing, Rose, Mary,” Jerry (my closest brother) and I were bent over in a serious meeting at the balcony, deliberating on names for the newcomer, I had taken it upon myself to name her; it was only befitting that I did; it was my first time participating in a naming ceremony, and I wanted to be part of it. I pulled Jerry to the corner and enlisted his help. We threw a few names back and forth, then Jerry said Divine, and immediately I blurted out Favour! We had a moment where we paused in awe of our brilliance, giggled so much, and agreed to call her Divine Favour.

I walked into the room filled with people. On the table, bottles of Limca and Goldspot stood guard, watching a tray of cabin biscuits. The house smelled like baby powder and jollof rice; I was nervous but quickly located my Daddy. His smile gave me courage, and I ran towards him screaming “Daddy Daddy!, Her name is Favour, Divine Favour”. Everybody paused to look at me, so I said it again, dancing around my mommy this time. She was holding the newcomer to her chest and feeding her the breast that was once mine. “Her name is Favour, Divine Favour’ My grandma who was sitting close by chimed in “Favour Deborah!” The little crowd in our living room busted into a hearty cheer.

Favour is special

As I grew up, I started questioning the name in contrast with the human being. Favor at 4 was not favoring me at all–She was a little rascal with all types of tricks and mischief hidden under her sleeves.

One time she slipped a few sips of small stout into her belly; my mom had looked away for a second, and Favour seized the opportunity reached for the cup glass of stout, and gulped as much as she could. The stout didn’t cause her any harm but instead, it made me look like food to her. Once it kicked in, she engaged me in the fiercest toddler war of my life. She chased me around the house screaming at the top of her lungs, and when she finally caught me, she bit the living daylight out of me.

Aside from harassing me daily, she was also fond of teasing me with her biscuits. I would beg and beg for a tiny crumb and get a “hmm” and a “no” plus an annoying shoulder-to-head gesture, but if I had my biscuits, she would scream the house down and force me to share.

I wasn’t being Favored at all but amidst all these, we grew fond of each other. I liked taking Favour to school with me; I took up the responsibility of picking Favour up from the chair in the living room( her famous crash spot) and tucking her in bed until she became too long for me to carry. I liked sleeping in the same bed with her and rolling her in my puddle of pee framing her to save my bum-bum from the cane. It was taboo to bed wet at eight, I dreaded the phrase “big girl like you dey piss for bed” and the look that would sit so high on my mum’s face, so Favour always took one for the team. I would wake up at midnight to check on her to see if she was sleeping fine or to untangle myself from her strong-ass cuddle. I loved her since day one thoughtlessly and I love her even more for her personality.

Parenting Favour

For a brief period, we drifted apart, Jerry and I went to Uni, I was experiencing life away from home and I somehow forgot my Favour– I ache for how lonely she was in those four years.

I hardly spoke with her, I was impatient and I didn’t know her. I couldn’t know her because I was too busy discovering myself Everyone had left home to chase life except her and this lonely phase of her life almost ruined everything.

My parents were getting tired and didn’t have the time for her like they did for us, she was alone half the time on weekends or working as a teacher at a local school on weekdays.

Then out of nowhere came the unsuspecting Boyfriend phase

Even now, I dread the word ‘Boyfriend” and the entire concept of 15-year-old Favour texting a guy.

I found out on the eve of Christmas in the year 2015, I was in my 3rd year at school, and I had come home with my friend Amaka; A cheerful Chubby proud Igbo girl who was way older than me but liked me for no reason. she loved her sister too and spoke fondly of her. It was Amaka who reminded me of my responsibility. So, that night I was gisting with Amaka when I got a WhatsApp message from my Cousin Sadia, I opened the message and stopped breathing for a moment ..A picture of Favour filled the screen, she had taken a selfie smiling ear-to-ear with her head resting her head on a man’s shoulder who I would soon know as Boyfriend and spitefully nickname Ice-head.

My first instinct was to commit murder (lol) but I needed to know who he was; I found out that Ice-head was notorious for chasing young girls in the area with the promise of love he was in his early twenties at the time and also famous for chopping these little girls money; knowing my sister and her big-heart I knew she was gone.

I called Favour into the room discreetly and ordered her to give me her phone. I combed her messages, searched the corners of her Facebook looking for valuable information, and tried to understand her relationship with Ice-head. It was simple Favour was in love for the first time in her life, fresh teenage delusional love colored with holding hands, long walks, and an imaginary future together. I yelled at her, and smacked her across the face; her cheeks rose and eyes welled with tears, she looked up at me in one piercing stare and said “I called you, I tried on many days to get you to talk to me, but you were not there’’ my heart dropped to my stomach scattered splinters on its walls…We started crying, holding on to each other; At that moment I knew I could never leave her again.

Favour Now

Favour now is my favorite reason to be alive; she keeps me grounded. A beacon of strength and resilience at 24, she stands as a testament to the power of love, understanding, and the shared trials that bind siblings. Our relationship has weathered storms, navigated through misunderstandings, and evolved into a deep, unspoken understanding.

Sometimes, I wonder how or what I did, and; the truth is I don’t know.

In that room on the eve of Christmas when we sat there crying together, I made a silent pact to give her everything in me, she made a silent pact to follow along. I was going to lead she was going to follow and hold on tightly and that’s what we did.

We have yelled at each other, fought like toddlers, and made up like adults, I have threatened her sometimes, pulled her close in warm embraces, and given her the side-eyes and Nigerian mum stern stare.

I would jump to her defense when random people tried to scold her because the only one who had the scolding rights was me (and my family, of course), and I didn’t hesitate to tell everyone else to back off gently before I bite. Not because I was perfect at this, but because Favour needed a fine balance of madness and calm and a pair of non-judgmental eyes; I brought that to the table. It was either me or my brothers; she did the maths and stuck with my crazy ass. The reward that came with this is seeing Favour blossom into a self-sufficient, reliable, grounded, loving, generous human being.

Dear reader it is safe to say I have made it in life. Parenting Favour made me realize that love; real love doesn’t seek reward, doesn’t judge or abandon. It gives freely.

I would give my everything to see her cheeks swell and her face light up in a smile. I will die a thousand deaths for my sister if I have to without stopping to think or fear for my life.

As the pages of life turn, I find solace in the fact that our journey is not static. We’ve grown individually, learned from each other, and embraced the imperfections that make us perfect for each other. Favour’s journey from a mischievous toddler to a self-sufficient woman mirrors the beautiful transformation of a bud into a blossoming flower.

To Favour

My dearest sister and friend, I offer this piece as a testament to our shared history. As life unfolds and paths take different turns, let these words serve as a timeless reminder of a bond that transcends distance and time.

When the world swirls and I am not here to hold your hands, make funny faces, or pull you into a big hug, when it gets dark and gloomy, read this and let it light up your path as you have lighted mine. I won’t always be here; sadly, that’s too much to promise, but my love will always be near — at the beach, in your smile, in your heart, and when you think of Tea; think of me.