OUTSIDE
I needed to remember everything, the feeling of silk on silk as we wriggled our hips, bad jokes, and laughter that sounded like turkeys gobbling, that sick-happy feeling as laughter and vomit threatened to erupt from our throats. I want to feel everything.
Blue and red flashing lights threaten to blind us, but we persist like soldiers fighting for our lives. We fought for this dance- the victory dance, the — we survived dance, the- we almost lost our minds dance, the -I am a bored dad dance, all the dances. I follow the lights with my eyes as they dart across the room, see people losing their home training, tossing it out the window yelling, “fuck you!!”. As it tumbles and falls to its death, I imagine it screaming “haaaaaaa!!”, all moral senses biting the dust.
The girl on my right is the only one in the club not dancing wildly, and I stare at her, puzzled: “Does she not know? Omg! is she an alien? Why is she so stiff?” I am genuinely bewildered. I reach across and tap her-lightly on her shoulder, and when she turns to me I ask, “everything okay b? aren’t you happy? I mean we are outside” she gives me the “I am a sad human being look” for a minute and I feel sorry for her, I think she needs a hug, but don’t we all? Bitch please don’t mess with my chakra, move your pandemic ass out of my way!
Hey, before you get confused, let me explain. Let me explain to you the horror that happened. In the beginning, it seemed so trivial, a country battling a weird virus whose name meant enabler or starter. Corona, haha, hilarious! What was that?
Anyway, we laughed China off, and we judged them. Truthfully I was also culpable. I made comments like: “oh if they had the decency to cook their food, this wouldn’t be happening …the only thing they cook is noodles!” I said many things. Alas, my country Nigeria started recording cases, gradually they rose, dead bodies piled like dirty laundry. Corona, like a trained sniper, hit the lungs of hundreds and thousands, and by the numbers, they fell still in disbelief as they pulled their last breath.
LOCKDOWN
Doors were shut in a feverish frenzy and they stayed shut for months Corona wasn’t the only thing that threatened lives, hunger pressed the necks of families, breadwinners begged for bread, and careers crumbled.
Until 2020, I barely used the word, now “lockdown” weighs heavy on my tongue and is forever engraved in my heart and the hearts of many.
We will remember you when we think of loss, when we walk down the streets we will think of you and remember the deathly silence that threatened our sanity, our streets. We will think of you LOCKDOWN as synonymous with anxiety. We will think of you every time we breathe.
If I could have a one-on-one with twenty-twenty, I would ask just one question:
WHAT WENT WRONG?
I’d like to think that it would be a therapy session, only that this therapist would love to beat the living daylight out of her client. Twenty-twenty was supposed to be a year of perfection, the pastors declared it, I claimed it. So WHAT WENT WRONG?
Why were we suddenly confined to the four walls of our houses? Why did I have to deal with my entire family constantly intruding in my space? Why did I have to wear a mask?
I know I may never get my answers. But as I move to the beat obeying each rhythm, commanding my hips to sway, I am grateful for this re-entry.
I don’t know if it’s selfish to enjoy being alive but I love it here so I toss my home training out the window. I watch it tumble. I hear It scream. I raise my middle finger in respect and whisper.
“Fuck you”
