I know a girl that spends a lot of time thinking of doing, she’d sit with great ideas of the many things she could do, of the things she should be doing, both the important and the not-so-important things… “Oh I should do this, definitely should” then she’d take a pen, jot it down somewhere in the middle of a billion to-do lists, and after that split second of enthusiasm, another great idea bites the dust.

That girl is me. Has this ruined my life? almost. Should you be taking advice from an ex-professional procrastinator maybe not but as someone who has dealt with procrastination and is still winning, I am your best shot.

So what is procrastination? And what does your procrastination look like?

Put simply, Procrastination is the Devil. It is the voice in your head that reminds you about a task you need to do then proceeds to tell you “err just do it later… drink wine first, go out clubbing with Soji instead ” yup that’s it! the devil! That’s the devil speaking! That’s your village uncle concocting! I think you get the point.

Now picture this — I am in the bathroom and my mind starts playing with the idea of writing about procrastination and then I go “okay, that would be a great read. hmm okay” — then I proceed to do what? Oh yeah, you guessed right I procrastinated like a shameless human being.

I have never met procrastination in its true form, but I can only imagine that my procrastination is the coolest character in my mind. A very laid-back can- never- be- bothered version of me. It sits around in baggy jeans and a big t-shirt with a bold inscription “ IT’S NOT THAT DEEP ” it’s always smoking pot, cracks the best jokes, and owns a meme page lol. In a nutshell, your procrastination looks exactly like YOU.

Without further ado, because if I don’t get to it now I might procrastinate writing the rest of this article 🤣

Here’s how to deal with the procrastinator in YOU

Treat yourself like a thief

This might sound super weird but hear me out. The one thing procrastination does is that it steals your time which is a better part of your life. So catch yourself and scold yourself like an adult caught trying to steal biscuits.

The next time you try to put off a task that might most likely cost you an important client or your Job, catch yourself by the hand or by the neck if you are an extremist and say “ are you not ashamed of yourself.. no, tell me are you not bigger than this? Do you want to ruin your life? Are you trying to be wayward.. get to the task or I will spank you!” I know I sound crazy but it works for me all the time! When I catch myself trying to procrastinate I scold myself and get to the task.

Once you start thinking it, Get to doing it

This is five years later, you are wearing the same white shirt you wore on the day you started work, the chair still squeaks when you stand, the office cleaner still wears that angry look, the same customers from 5 years ago are shouting in your face over the counter and you can’t wait for 5 pm. You watch the clock every time, willing it to move but it doesn’t. It stopped working 2 years ago.

The resignation letter you started writing 3 years ago is sitting half-finished in your notes, your shirt doesn’t quite fit because you never got to register at the gym. You have opened your business with your mouth and your customers are in your mind. You are now 40, tired, and still broke.

It’s as simple as it sounds. Once you catch yourself thinking about something you have to do, just do it. If you can’t do it immediately, set an hourly reminder to do it. (Taking a minute to praise me. “Wow Debby you do give great advice”)

Reward yourself

See, I know it’s not easy. The mind isn’t an easy place to live in. So when you show up and do that task, pat yourself on the back. Say something nice to yourself like “wow! You did great” buy yourself shawarma, a bottle of beer, or anything nice if you like. Rewards make you want to do better.

Do not drink beer or buy shawarma if your goal is to lose weight ..that’s not what I mean Funke!

In conclusion, to survive in this world, to win in this world you need to stop thinking about doing and start doing.

I like to think that God sprinkles ideas like salt in the minds of humans to add taste to our lives. Only the doer, the one who takes action faster than the rest will create a great recipe and a tasty meal.

Dear reader, sometimes your biggest enemy is you and your inability to take action, not your mystical Uncle Chinedu in the village, the guy is probably somewhere trying to get it together. Stop blaming people for your inaction and seize your life by the reins.

My Dad always says “life is a race and your greatest competition is you. You can either choose to win or choose to lose” in the end it’s you against you.

So shame the Devil. Get shit done.

Disclaimer: Just in case this advice ruins your life …Do you. I can’t tell you what to do🤷🏽‍♀️